By Bob Holmes
Cary Ramsay fondly recalls her stepfather imparting wisdom to her over pancake breakfasts.
“To go back and think of the influence he had and the wisdom he has given me over the years, the advice — he even helped me pick my husband!”
Her stepfather was Columbia International University’s third president, Robertson McQuilkin.
The memories and influence of McQuilkin came back more vividly for Ramsey during the May 2025 CIU commencement when she walked the stage of Shortess Chapel to receive her Master of Arts in Clinical Counseling degree wearing the same robe her stepfather wore when he graduated.
“I thought I would just really love to honor him,” Ramsay said. “He played a really big role in my life. It meant a lot to me.”
Ramsay was already an adult when her mother, CIU alumna Dr. Deb McQuilkin (Class of ’82), married Robertson in 2005, following the death of his first wife Muriel in 2003. Muriel had suffered from Alzheimer’s disease, and Robertson’s tender, personal care for her over a 13-year period is documented in the book, “A Promise Kept.” Ramsay says Robertson, who died in 2006, continued to model the example of a loving husband with her mother, and would be an influence on her choosing a spouse.
“My husband (Jeff) had to get grilled by Robertson McQuilkin on his theology before he could ask to marry me,” Ramsay said with a laugh in her voice. “And that was quite the grilling. He has never quite gotten over that grilling.
“And all my mother could do was hand him a plate of cookies and say, ‘I’m sorry.’”
Jeff and Cary have now been married for 11 years and live in Wilmington, North Carolina.
Cary Ramsay first earned a Master of Education degree from CIU in 2013 and recently came off the mission field serving with Pioneers in Ethiopia where she oversaw an HIV program and a program for girls who were at risk for human trafficking. Her assignment now is stateside. Again, it was Robertson, who once served as a missionary to Japan, guiding her decisions before ever leaving for Africa.
“He shaped my role in missions exponentially,” Ramsay said. “Even now, I miss his advice a lot.”
Robertson was not around to advise Ramsay before entering the CIU master’s degree program in counseling. But she says, he would approve.
“Anyone who knew Robertson knew he was cautious about counseling,” Ramsay said. “He was so focused on things being Scripture based and not whatever was popular at the time or whatever feels good. The end goal in Robertson’s mind was not to be happy with ourselves — but for us to be more Christlike.”
She says that because there is a hermeneutics component in the Counseling program, “that would make Robertson very happy.”
“What does Scripture say? And where do we stand based on Scripture, not on feelings? That is huge,” Ramsay added. “In everything in counseling, I first look through the lens of Scripture, second to the science.”
Ramsay will now use her Counseling degree to assist missionaries on the field.
“People are coming less prepared for the mission field … they have a lot more emotional baggage than when Robertson went to the mission field. I have a real heart to care for our field workers.”
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